Here's how it's going. I'm on the brink of getting my Master's degree in Teaching French and ESL which is what I want to do. I am starting to look for jobs. I am single. I could go anywhere and do anything (within the realm of teaching French or ESL/EFL). And I am miserable.
I have spent the last year and a half back at home in Durham, North Carolina to better myself and my prospects. What I have found, as a result, is that my job prospects are not so good and that I left, perhaps, my best companion in France. Isn't this all so ironic?
What I am feeling is probably not unreasonable but it seems like I should be a little happier. I mean I'm getting a Master's degree, in the field that interests me! I'm a much better teacher than I was before I started a Master's. Isn't that supposed to make me happy? Aren't I supposed to be celebrating? I guess it would be a little easier if I had a couple job offers but in the world of teaching world languages, there are so few jobs. I knew that when I started this Master's. I just wanted to give myself some credentials to teach in my home country. Maybe I should just leave again and go to a country that has language jobs and where they value teachers. But that would mean picking up and starting all over again.
Leaving is what I am good at. Staying is a challenge. I still can't figure out which one is more rewarding. So I'll leave it up to what opportunities come my way. And in the meantime, I'll write my Benjamin Franklin list going through the positives and negatives of leaving/staying. That may ease my worries a little and it will make me feel a bit more productive than I have been today. I am determined to find something to make me smile before this day is over.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Equilibre
Je suis dans un état où il y a des cordes qui me tirent dans plusieurs sens; je ne peux que penser d'un seul à la fois. D'une part, je suis une étudiante et j'ai des obligations pour terminer mes études. C'est pour moi un de mes premiers priorités. D'autre part, je suis en chômage et j'ai besoin de trouver un travail dès que possible. Depuis mars, je n'ai plus la force de faire les deux simultanément. Je bats juste pour finir le dernier cours de l'année scolaire.
Heureusement, d'un autre côté, je ne pense plus à trouver quelqu'un. Je réalise que d'être seule est parfaitement acceptable et même, agréable. Je ne vais plus penser que d'être seule est une chose négative. Ca y est. Je me sens guérie. Et de plus, je me sens confiante.
Early morning pursuit
I have armed myself with a to-do list that I created last night. This will protect me from asking "what should I do today?" I'd say I'm off to a good start.
The oatmeal I made this morning was delicious. Only two months ago I never would have touched it. My mother has persuaded me with a little brown sugar (which I have missed so much over the past 5 years). I've come up with another yummy idea which is to add cinnamon. It's supposed to be good for circulation. That and the oats which can lower cholesterol make for a healthy breakfast.
Next up I am off to look for my 2011 companion which will follow me everywhere - a new daily planner. It is no easy feat to find one that has all the necessary components - maps, time zones, metric conversions, a calendar for each month, and weekly pages to follow with enough room to write appointments, classes, social events, etc... It is also very important to have notes pages and certain holidays listed. Comme c'est difficile!
When I lived abroad, I noticed that the UK had a pretty good handle on daily planners but the French a little less so. The French make beautiful paper products but in notebooks and planners they are severely lacking. Most of the notebooks are filled with graph paper instead of lined paper. All of my foreign friends (those who were expatriates like me) didn't seem to notice so maybe I am just a little too picky. I never gave up until I found a lined paper notebook. It did make me happy so I suppose it was worth it. And I always waited to buy my daily planner at home.
I plan to leave Office Depot satisfied like last year. After I accomplish that, I have some administrative work to do and once that is finished I will reward myself with a challenging 6 mile run. It has finally warmed up a little bit in good old Durham so I want to take advantage and play outside a little. That covers the day but what about tonight?
The evenings have become a sore point. I find myself lonely and bored after dinner. I yearn to go out and see people but I don't have that big of a network yet. Last night my friend was unable to meet up with me so I bit back my fears about blogging and went for it. I felt good for accomplishing something I had planned on doing for the past month or so. I also read the Financial Times and watched the second movie in the trilogy "Millenium". The books are better but I always like to see how a book is brought to life on screen. These films so far have been a very nice surprise. But the point I'm trying to make here is that instead of feeling sorry for myself that I have no evening plans, I can easily enjoy myself doing little projects or watching a movie.
The oatmeal I made this morning was delicious. Only two months ago I never would have touched it. My mother has persuaded me with a little brown sugar (which I have missed so much over the past 5 years). I've come up with another yummy idea which is to add cinnamon. It's supposed to be good for circulation. That and the oats which can lower cholesterol make for a healthy breakfast.
Next up I am off to look for my 2011 companion which will follow me everywhere - a new daily planner. It is no easy feat to find one that has all the necessary components - maps, time zones, metric conversions, a calendar for each month, and weekly pages to follow with enough room to write appointments, classes, social events, etc... It is also very important to have notes pages and certain holidays listed. Comme c'est difficile!
When I lived abroad, I noticed that the UK had a pretty good handle on daily planners but the French a little less so. The French make beautiful paper products but in notebooks and planners they are severely lacking. Most of the notebooks are filled with graph paper instead of lined paper. All of my foreign friends (those who were expatriates like me) didn't seem to notice so maybe I am just a little too picky. I never gave up until I found a lined paper notebook. It did make me happy so I suppose it was worth it. And I always waited to buy my daily planner at home.
I plan to leave Office Depot satisfied like last year. After I accomplish that, I have some administrative work to do and once that is finished I will reward myself with a challenging 6 mile run. It has finally warmed up a little bit in good old Durham so I want to take advantage and play outside a little. That covers the day but what about tonight?
The evenings have become a sore point. I find myself lonely and bored after dinner. I yearn to go out and see people but I don't have that big of a network yet. Last night my friend was unable to meet up with me so I bit back my fears about blogging and went for it. I felt good for accomplishing something I had planned on doing for the past month or so. I also read the Financial Times and watched the second movie in the trilogy "Millenium". The books are better but I always like to see how a book is brought to life on screen. These films so far have been a very nice surprise. But the point I'm trying to make here is that instead of feeling sorry for myself that I have no evening plans, I can easily enjoy myself doing little projects or watching a movie.
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