9:34 pm

It is such a rarity when I find myself ready to head to bed at this time.  The work day took so much of my energy and the little energy I had left was used for a well-deserved workout.   Today, I tried my best to teach and guide my students.  I know there were parts of the day that I would do better and the next time round I hope I will.  Unlike me, some of my students decided to fight the will to learn today and that brings on frustration.  I have to remember that they are just kids and have adolescent brains.  There is a lot going on in their lives.  No matter what we must do our best to make it work.  

My moment of happiness today occurred when I received a compliment from a 30-year veteran teacher.  She explained that my peer observation went well with a 40-year veteran teacher.  They now think very highly of me as an educator.  I feel proud of myself and happy that I am doing good for my students.  Teaching is so lonely sometimes and praise is not common from peers.  So that one short moment really made me feel good.  

Can you think of a moment that made you happy today?  A time when a smile broke out on your face? I invite you to create a moment if you have not had one yet today or if you would like another.  Find a funny video of animals doing silly things or put on a song that you know will surely have the right effect.  My go to is to dance.  It always seems to uplift me.  Whatever you come up with, enjoy it!  

A day off

Finally, a day when I hardly thought about work and I was not stressed.  It seems like it has been such a long time since I was able to relax.  The first year of teaching in K-12 schools in the US really has been a rough experience.  I thought with the years of teaching under my belt in Europe that I could handle this better.  I was sadly mistaken!  

But the point is that once planning is taken care of, life begins and the happiness returns.  I wonder whether one day planning lessons will bring me joy.  It is not a total impossibility.  Pourtant cette idee c'est la folie totale!  

Back to the reason why I am writing tonight.  It feels good to have had one day off, to feel completely free to do what I like, how I like, and whenever I like.  I made myself happy by taking a 2 hour walk in the sun and I even happened upon some bubbling brooks.  I was able to enjoy the Duke game with my father and make pizza.  Miam miam.  I spent time with a friend and I also took the time to see my mother.  We ended up watching the red carpet at the Oscars.  It was terrible.  My mother was completely irritated by how boring and repetitive the whole event is each year.  It was so bad I could not stand to watch more than 10 minutes of it.  

The rest of my night was spent enjoying some sushi and watching past episodes of Top Chef.  I even had the time to paint all my nails.  It just feels like I'm regurgitating each moment of my day and to a reader this may be a nuisance.  My apologies.  It has been an eventful day, one where most everything I have done or accomplished has added to my overall happiness and I feel much more calm and balanced than during the beast of a week I had at work. 

I hope you too have found some happiness in your day.  Je vous souhaite une bonne nuit.   

Be the leaf

I dedicate this post to Ashley Scott.

It is midnight and I have settled in bed for the night.  I am emotionally drained and I look forward to some rest.  It will undoubtedly help me get through another work week.

My life is draining.  Money is tight, work is super stressful, my family is in dire straits, and my love life in shambles.  But I know I will get through it.

This weekend I ended a very short relationship with a wonderful man.  He was kind, caring, understanding, supportive, loving, and so giving.  One might ask why I ended it.  It still seems hard to swallow but the truth is, I wasn't happy most of the time.

He was great and this is very true.  He did so much for me and for that I will forever be grateful.  However, he lacked a few fundamental qualities that are very important to me.  I just wish I had had the guts to recognize them sooner.  Then I would have much less of a heartache and would not have put him through any pain.  Time will heal the wounds as it usually does but right now I miss my companion.

La vie n'est qu'une vague.  Il faut flotter comme une oiseau sur la surface.  Be the leaf and let the wind carry you.  I learned that from this man.  I understand it.  I also learned that life is not simple and that in the worst of circumstances, you can pull through and make things work.  Another thing which I realized is that I must be true to myself at the end of the day.  I am glad I did in this case even if it hurts right now.

Tonight I will go to bed alone with a heavy heart.  But I hope that tomorrow I will wake up feeling lighter, relieved of my decision, and ready to face a new day.  Here's to the pursuit of happiness.